Animals

Animals are best understood by their relationship to humans. On one end, you have animals that genuinely like humans, and on the other you have animals that are indifferent

Dogs

No other animal on earth loves a human the way dogs do. They even love humans more than other humans love humans. This is due to an extensive multi-millennia breeding project to generate the perfect subservient creature. This has exploded a single species into a wide variety of shapes and sizes, all with varying amount of mental illness.

Horses

Like dogs, horses have been subjected to extensive breeding programs by humanity for many centuries. Sometimes this results in aberrations like ponies and draft horses that are abnormally small or large, but horses, unlike dogs, have retained their basic horse shape due to it being convenient.

Cats

Cats have also been run through the wringer of human influence, though for the most part the typical cat is indistinguishable from its African wildcat ancestors. Cats, like horses, have never developed a natural affinity for humans, so the love of a cat? is a unique and special gift, given only to those who most deserve it. They also harbor parasites that make other creatures like them more.

Rabbits

A rabbit is a sort of animal with long legs that likes to hop around. Rabbits are distinguished from other hopping animals like frogs and toads by their furry bodies and long external ears. Rabbits are largely considered harmless but have more enemies than any other animal on earth, thanks to their delicious flesh and an unfortunate blessing placed on El-ahrairah, Prince of Rabbits, by an extradimensional entity known as Frith.

Birds

Birds are creatures that enjoy the air so much that they store it in their bones. They have colorful feathers and beaks and probably used to be dinosaurs, but that's not important. Some of them whistle in pleasant or annoying ways and have been known to exhibit a ChatGPT level of intelligence. They have been known to be friendly toward humans, but experts agree they wouldn't be if they knew what we were up to.

Turtles

It is said that a turtle conveniently carries its house on its back. This is inaccurate. A turtle's house IS its back, and in fact that is highly inconvenient. On land, a turtle moves awkwardly and slow, but in the water it moves slow and awkwardly. There are differences between a turtle and a tortoise but none have yet been identified.

Fish

A fish is a creature that, for the most part, must live in liquid water. This environment is so alien to humans that they are generally kept in glass boxes full of water where they serve as a sort of rudimentary screensaver. It is unclear what fish think about these glass boxes, or the humans that live outside of them. It is unclear if fish think about much at all. On occasion, humans will skip the glass box and instead use food embedded with sharp metal hooks to inconvenience and terrorize fish that are minding their own business in their natural habitat. Sometimes these fish are allowed to suffocate and die, other times they are allowed to return to their own kind. This act is described as "extremely fun" and "meditative" for humans.

WIP